Ultraviolet rays consist of frequencies higher than those of visible light. Frequencies with a light that is aesthetically beautiful, but beauty can often destroy you. I, along with many others, have burned. Through heartbreak, sadness, feelings of neglect and anger, I have fallen and I have fallen hard. Though the beauty of the fallen is that they always rise. They rise to the balance between the good and the bad, the pure and the evil.
I discovered a photograph of a woman’s face, displaying the damage of ultraviolet rays upon her skin. Her eyes were shut, as if she was afraid to open them to the toxicity that was upon her. I was once that woman. But life is not a still photograph. Although I wanted to close my pretty blue eyes and keep them from the world, I had to open them rapidly at the sight of survival.
I had to survive at the sight of love; beautiful yet dangerous. I never believed I would have the opportunity to love but longed for it unconditionally. I grew up in a world where the love between a man and a woman didn’t exist. It was a love that I longed to see, but knew I never would. In return, scars formed deep beneath the surface to the point where I thought I was marked; damaged.
Years passed, and like radiation damage, those scars remained within the barriers of my skin. I sought out love, and even though it was received, it wasn’t enough. I was still blind to it. New damages from three failed relationships were then added to the cluster of my past and I was in limbo. I thought I was going to be there for eternity. I can’t quite explain how I got out, but I realized that the love for another was not the clarity I longed for.
Through all the letdowns, the rejection, the chaos and the madness, what I kept doing was the most beautiful sight of all. I kept glowing. I kept living and I kept trying to love. I was my own true inspiration that I was searching for and the reason I opened my eyes. I realized that it is and always will be my challenges that define me and I am going to embrace them. Every love, emotion, and every experience, molds me into the unstoppable being I am today and who I am suppose to be.
Love exists when it is from within. Through the poisonous radiation I face, it is amazing that I can strive to feel the most beautiful frequency of all, and that is love. A love and deeper understanding of myself. That is the true beauty that shines through the ultraviolet rays.